Blood and Roses

Sexcastle by Kyle Starks. Image, 2015. 9781632153005.

Last week, I found myself in need of a new, good B-movie. Unfortunately I don’t think this post apocalyptic nightmare or this R-rated headshot montage is going to cut it.

Wandering my local bookstore’s graphic novel section I came across a copy of Sexcastle and knew it was time to reread this homage to 80s action films and the great quips in them.

Shane Sexcastle, fresh from prison for killing the Vice President of the United States, gets a job at a florist’s and tries to leave murder and mayhem behind. But he can’t. After helping his new boss stand up to local thugs, the top 9 killers from the Assassins Union come for him. (They’re lookalikes for the better known action movie stars of the 80s and 90s.) Then: violence.

The mid-book sex scene is amazingly gratuitous. The dialogue is at times spectacular: “I’m gonna beat you into a fine red mist…I’m going to make a blood humidifier out of you.” And it features the best pair of demonic nunchucks ever drawn.

The other way I get my B-movie fix is replaying levels of Broforce. (Its playable characters are also stand-ins for action movie favorites, though the video game, unlike Sexcastle, had the sense to include a few brought to the screen by the great Christopher Lambert.) Each characters has a unique attack, and if you misuse it you can not only kill yourself, you can destroy so much of each level that you can’t win. It’s chaos. You can play online with your friends. (If you email me, maybe you can play it online with me.)

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